Ahead of today's inauguration, President-elect Donald Trump spoke at a leadership luncheon yesterday afternoon at the Trump International Hotel in Washington, D.C. “We have by far the highest I.Q. of any Cabinet ever assembled,” he said, humbly. Our new commander-in-chief also addressed the sartorial elephant in the room: Tom Ford, who revealed in November that he would not be dressing Melania Trump, joining the likes of Sophie Theallet and Marc Jacobs. “I was asked to dress her quite a few years ago and I declined; she’s not necessarily my image,” the designer and Nocturnal Animals director told The View. (Yeah, her husband isn’t really our image either, Tom.) Trump, who seems to salivate over the opportunity to use his grubby fingers to unleash wildly ineloquent, exclamation point-ridden tweets, fired back, but not before clearing the room of all press because, if you hadn’t heard, there’s about to be a terrifying war on journalists. A source inside the luncheon recounted Trump’s diatribe for WWD: “Tom Ford came out and said he was not dressing Melania. He was never asked. I never liked him or his designs.” (Cue a quietly sobbing Brioni, who wishes Trump would just pick another brand to wear/wreck already.)
“[Tom Ford's] never had something to dress like that,” Trump continued, pointing to a presumably terrified-looking Melania. This isn’t the first time the former reality television star acknowledged Ford’s commentary—he also appeared on Fox & Friends Wednesday morning, saying that he is “not a fan of Tom Ford, never have been.” Shortly thereafter, the Wynn hotel in Las Vegas removed Tom Ford cosmetics and sunglasses from its shelves. (The dictatorship has begun!)
Around 4:00 pm, Trump waddled over to the Lincoln Memorial to see hip and relevant rock band 3 Doors Down perform alongside The Piano Guys (who the hell are The Piano Guys?) and some teenager from America’s Got Talent. Today, as Trump feasts on his very first meal as POTUS—which will likely be a basket of chicken fingers and fries that he can grasp with his childlike hands—and longingly looks out the window of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, dreaming of Mar-A-Largo and a cushy, pre-election lifestyle, many will march in protest. Maybe the masses won’t be wearing Tom Ford (after all, the designer himself said his “expensive” wares are even beyond reach for Hillary Clinton), but they’ll undoubtedly make a statement.