This season’s most peculiar trend is that of the pendant purse, the tiny-yet-beautifully ornate snap bags worn as necklaces on the runways of Hermès, Valentino, and Givenchy. They are a puzzling accessory—are they jewelry, or bags? We argue both. Obviously, their size, decoration, and delicate chains point more towards ornamentation. But just because something is tiny does not mean it can’t be functional. So what can you carry in these chic little friends? Below is just a small list of suggestions that proves how versatile these tiny guys can be.
In your tiny fashion purse, you could carry:
• Drugs, nearly any kind. We're not condoning it, we’re just keeping it real.
• Condoms. Play safe, but also play chic.
• A cheat sheet that will help you remember which designers are working for which houses. It’s getting confusing out there.
• A wedding ring. A great place to keep your own for when you meet your secret lover. A great place to keep someone else’s when committing theft.
• A single key. The one that opens the padlock on the shack where you keep all those stolen wedding rings.
• All the fucks you give. Except it can't really hold any fucks, which means it's perfect for Rihanna.
• Band-Aids, because heels during fashion week can wreak havoc on your feet.
• Diamonds, or any loose gemstones. Girl, you need to stop stealing. I know fashion doesn’t pay very well, but this is not necessary, and you’re playing it pretty fast and loose by keeping the evidence on you.
• A macaron.
• A loose tooth that fell out when you bit into that stale macaron you'd been holding on to.
• Print out a screenshot of your Instagram and use the purse as a giant locket. You know, to remind yourself of your loved ones, and that you are #blessed.
• A folded up $20 bill. Tip your bartender, folks!
• An extra pair of underwear.
• Someone else’s underwear.
• A lock of your lover’s hair. Wait, who do you think you are, Alexander McQueen? Get outta here with that creepy nonsense.
• A fake mustache. You need to evade the cops. They’ve been investigating the antics of the Wedding Band Bandit, and they’re closing in on you.
• An even smaller, more ornate purse. “Why?” they’ll ask. “Fashion,” you’ll reply.