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Important Updates Have Been Made to Karl Lagerfeld’s Shitlist

Not even death will save you from the kaiser's wrath

Karl Lagerfeld gives a damn good interview. His winning combination of having strong opinions, being an illustrative wordsmith, and his utter lack of fucks to give make him the fashion industry’s best quote machine (no disrespect to Diana Vreeland). Naturally, it was pretty exciting when the fashion gods gifted us with a new profile in Numéro, filled with a bunch of Karl-isms that range from sassy to outright bitchy. And yeah, he’s even willing to throw in some shock-worthy sound bites. Remember, this is the man who once publicly slammed Meryl Streep over a simple misunderstanding. He has no fear.

Does he say anything really groundbreaking about the state of fashion? Not really. Does this interview reveal any Lagerfeld secrets? Not exactly. Do we agree with what he has to say? Not at all. But hey, it’s Friday. It’s been a long week. So let’s just sit back, take a break, and revel in the outrageous things he’s said recently.

He’s willing to joke about his job:

While rattling off all the collections he has to produce a year, Lagerfeld mentioned couture, ready-to-wear, pre-seasons, and Coco Snow, which he clarifies “isn’t, I assure you, a capsule collection for cokeheads, but a winter sports line.” Karl, literally no one was going to assume the house of Chanel had a cocaine-inspired line, but I love that your brain went there, and part of me hopes that you pitched it at some point.

His adversaries are touchingly important to him:

2017 saw the passing of two major fashion personalities: Azzedine Alaïa and YSL’s Pierre Bergé. Were either of them Lagerfeld’s favorite people? Decidedly not, but they were weirdly important to him in another way.

“Last year I lost my two best enemies Pierre Bergé and the other one,” he said. “Azzedine loathed me, go figure. And for Pierre’s funeral, my florist asked me, ‘Do you want us to send a cactus?’” If your enemies aren’t outwardly hostile even after you’ve passed away, you aren’t feuding right.

He’s probably the only person in the world who isn’t an Alaïa fan:

“I don’t criticize him, even if at the end of his career all he did was make ballet slippers for menopausal fashion victims.” Did you say “KARL!” out loud to your screen while reading that? Because this writer did.

Choupette helps groom his new facial hair:

“With all these whiskers I look a lot like Choupette… we’re really like an old couple,” he mused on the beard he debuted earlier this year. “In fact, she maintains it for me, we sleep on the same pillow and she spends her life licking it.” He also revealed that Choupette is indeed in his will, but should his feline pass before him, he wishes for their ashes to be scattered together.

He won’t design menswear because he has no interest in working with male models:

“Drawing a men’s collection and having to put up with all those stupid models, no thanks. Not to mention the fact with all their accusations of harassment they have become quite toxic. No, no, no, don’t leave me alone with one of those sordid creatures.” If the harassment quote made you wonder what Lagerfeld thinks of #MeToo, he’s sadly not supportive. For someone who claims to adore women, it would be nice if he used his powers of bitchiness to stick up for them.

But he is a fan of Jacquemus:

Apparently, the young Frenchman is such a delight that even Lagerfeld isn’t immune to charms. “[He] makes me laugh,” Karl said, also calling Jacquemus “rather pretty too.” Oh, we know. But lest you think Lagerfeld went two paragraphs without being the antagonist, let’s be clear: he has no intention of making new friends. When asked who he would rather spend his final days on a desert island with, Jacquemus, Virgil Abloh, or Jonathan Anderson, Lagerfeld responded, “I’d kill myself first.”

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