Alternative Facts About Haute Couture

The fanciest fake news FU has to offer

Have we entered a post-truth society? During the election, the media sphere was trumped by sensationalist headlines and “fake” news, and now, thanks to Trump adviser and sage philosopher Kellyanne Conway, we’ve got “alternative facts” (pronounced b-ULL-shh-it). 

This past inauguration weekend, while an entire gender was busy protesting our new 45th president, Conway and the new administration were busy protesting the news media’s claims about the size of Trump’s inauguration crowd, the C.I.A. and more. She presented “alternative facts” to counter and replace the real, proven ones because…who cares about the truth anyways? 

And so, here at Fashion Unfiltered, we decided to roll with it and create our own “alternative facts.” One of the Google’s most-asked fashion questions of 2016 was: “What is haute couture?” Below, we’re kicking off couture week with our own presentation of couture-related alternative facts. 

[Disclaimer: Fashion Unfiltered has deep respect for the art of haute couture.]

• The Chambre Syndicale de la Haute Couture was created when a group of high school seniors in Malibu wanted to make it abundantly clear that you can’t sit with them.

• Christian Dior used to sew live bees into his couture pieces, until the bees unionized and flew in formation, carrying garments across the city in protest against what they felt was poor compensation. As a cost-saving measure, he switched to embroidered bees.

• Iris Van Herpen is not only the first designer to use a 3-D printer to make clothing, she is also the first 3-D printed designer.

• The Callot “sisters” were actually just one person. Marie Callot Gerber created the elaborate ruse in order to avoid responding to requests she didn’t want to deal with. When attempting to contact her, she would simply reply, “My sister actually handles that, I’ll loop her in,” ultimately giving people the runaround, and being notoriously difficult to get in touch with.

• Valentino spent 45 minutes in the Home Depot paint department deciding on a shade of red.

• Coco Chanel’s early minimalist work was a mistake. The samples were originally supposed to be more ornate, but the atelier did not have time to finish them. She told her team to “just go with it” for show purposes. After the designs received positive feedback she quietly discarded her original designs, and instructed her atelier workers to never speak of them again.

• “Elsa Schiaparelli” was actually a performance-art character by Andy Kaufman, who is currently on holiday with Martin Margiela.

• Karl Lagerfeld has successfully used the same outfit in six of his Chanel Couture shows and nobody has noticed. 

• Fortuny actually told everyone how he created his famous pleats. He spoke about it every chance he got, sparking many people to report that it was a “secret” sarcastically. It is the fashion industry’s longest running, and most successful, shade thrown.

• Jeanne Lanvin’s skirts were so big because they were full of secrets.

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